Thursday, September 01, 2005

We had a VISITOR the otherday

I anticipated a surprise visit from a social worked this week. She came bright and early Tuesday morning. She was about 10 years younger than me, very peppy and perplexed about my response to her question "How are you". When I said "very freaked out", she did a double take. We sat and chatted for about 45 minutes. I recounted the whole story. I showed her the newly installed locks and Harry sat on my lap, kissing me saying "I love you mommy". Yes he did. Owen and Harry were putting on their best performance - they were friendly and hyper and more outgoing than Tony Little promoting his Gazelle freestyle trainer at 2am on local tv.

And here is the one thing that I learned. Social Workers need to get the last word in. And I suppose you are a compliant case if you allow that to happen. With the new locks installed, I was reprimanded for not being outside with my kids at all times. I must say I handed the event with grace and without transforming into a snarky bitch. Her comment that "your kids are very happy and this is something I look for" was not appreciated either. I suppose she could not go back to the office with a sense of "accomplishment" without giving me advice that apparently she forgot THAT I ALREADY KNOW. (and incidentally I already do). I am getting a bit testy here about all the questions, the poking around and such. Questions like "have you ever been involved in Domestic violence" and comments regarding Owen's small stature "I'd worry that he had a some sort of Growth disorder" - well you know.. I needed an rolling eyes icon.

So, if you are trained to see nothing but dysfunction, I suppose that is what you look for.

I called my best friend for a shot of empathy and reality.

"What do you mean she actually had to TELL you that her investigation is not going to become a Child protective services case?! I would have fucking lost it"
"At the time losing it would have not worked in my favor"
"I suppose"

Now CPS has had a great deal of media scruntiny over the past few years. A couple children have died while under their watch. An 18 month old died in her crib of dehydration, and a 4 year old boy was mauled by 4 Rotweiller within the last 7 years. So, this young sprite new Social Worker is just insuring that we did not open the door and decry 'Aidan! Set forth an Explore yonder terriory!" , nor did she discover the basement meth lab or notice the shackles and portrait of Jesus in the closet. I did crack a joke about leaving Aidan at home with a bit of water when I went to work. And she did laugh.

And meanwhile, while we are having said conversation, Aidan went to the kitchen, took a whole basket of Concorde grapes, lugged them upstairs, dumped them all over the windowsill (which is a perfect height for him) and then played with his Thomas trains in them. There must have been some mutant avalanche of concord grapes on the Island of Sodor. Or Sir Toppam Hat had some serious wine making plans. Too bad I discovered this after Social Worker P.I. had left.


Eric said...

I'm glad YOUR interview is done, but I gotta go through the wringer on Tuesday...I'll try not to say things such as, "Go fuck yourself,I'm entitled to my privacy!" or "None of your Goddamned business!" etc.

Yet, I am inspired by your grace under fire and I will try to do the same.

Kim said...

Well, I'm glad that worked out alright. I can't believe she was picking on Owen's size. Did you have to provide the doctor's number to prove you feed him? Geez!

Susan said...

Really, a mutant avalanch of Concorde grapes is not THAT farfetched on the Island of Sodor. Although I really think Sir Top Hat (as my boys call him) is too much of a Puritan for any wine making.

So glad you are done with CPS.

hotboy said...

So you didn't ask if you could get their testicles removed. You could have said you'd remove them yourself as soon as she left. This would have got you a rest in a nice hospital surrounded by the men in white coats. You'd have had time to meditate then and your family would have really, really appreciated you when they let you out. Glad you got through it though. Hotboy