Its probably time to admit a few things - air some dirty laundry so to speak. Academically speaking, I teach in the Religious Studies department. I have a background in anthropology and religious studies, with an interest in convert Buddhism. Domestically speaking, my focus is poopy diapers and six pairs of bright and curious eyes. I'll stray from my domestic roots for a moment.
So, I've been doing all this reading lately.... mostly arcane stuff such as Tylor and Frazer and now a bit if Husserl (just a bit...I am not quite completely insane)...A little Rudolf Otto, some Van Der Leeuw and now a dash of Ninian Smart. All this under the guise of the developement of the academic study of religion. As the boys play with their Tonkas, I have my nose buried in one of my books...wondering where in the hell I am ever going to find the time to actually read and write - if I wanted to take graduate work with any amount of seriousness. I am the madam of multitasking - I used to be able to breastfeed and make a salad simultaneously. It has occured to me that, yes multitasking would be an important skill to have while attempting to complete a PhD...and breastfeeding could very well be as well. BUT, I can't even find 10 minutes of uninterrupted time to have a dump, let alone focus on reading AND writing.
What kind of crazy aspiration do I have?
And then I ask...then why am I reading phenomenology?
Is this some way I placate that little voice inside my head that whispers "you can't teach part-time forever"? Here we stand at the margins of my inner soliloquy...I've been spiraling for about a year...it goes something like this:
- You are good enough, smart enough and dog-gone it people like you!
- read, read read read read read
- research and read read some more
- bad teaching day
- enter: doubt
- arrogant academics piss me off
- questioning: I can't imagine fitting the Phd process into my life without first having to sacrifice my 1st, 2nd and 3rd born
- I imagine that I am getting too old for this
- enter: euphoric experience in the classroom
- You are good enough, smart enough and dog-gone..
Now that I have sucked you into my vortex of self cross examination ...you can plainly see that yes...I need some more chocolate.