Tuesday, February 15, 2005

The reluctant bather...

Like it or not - my kids need a bath. Take it from the resident expert:all cheesy media stereotypes are completely true. You will need a sou'wester and gum boots, an umbrella, even the Alvin...Now no matter how hard I have tried - there is no way to simplify this process. "Simplify" in this context means "Allowing the mom and the floors to remain relatively dry". I could bathe one kid a night...but herein the problem lies - I have 2 that can undress at will - and use every opportunity to do so.

If anyone can figure this out...please enlighten me: Why do my 7 yr old and 4 year old need to get naked when they poop?

Bathing. Owen and Harry spit water at each other, and thats after the kicking contest, followed by tub diving...my motherly instinct screams that its all wrong, but after trying to use my logical, rational, non-mess seeking sensibilities...I can find nothing morally reprehensible about this. Then there is Aidan. At 2 1/2 his idea of the big fun is to get in and out of the tub...ad infinitum. The benefit is that with a towel underfoot, I can also wash the floors...multitasking! Did I mention Aidan's fear of lather or Harry's adversion to running water?

I used to have a foolproof system. I used take a shower with all the kids. It was very efficient and pleasing to those motherly instincts. That ended the day that Owen said to me "Mommy you have a beard like daddy".

So, reluctantly I will go plug in the tub...did I mention that I have an irrational phobias of tubs? ( This also extends to waterbeds...thank GOD these have become artifacts of the late 20th century) Its true. I have a seriously weird fear of tubs full of water. I get a phobic feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see one - a fear that the weight of the tub will cause it to crash through the floor. See, I told you it was irrational. Perhaps this is underlies my bathing reluctance? Maybe beneath this I fear water? Okay Jungian analyists...I am just RIPE for the picking! (See...Harry learned procrastination from his mother.)

Where's that plug...

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