Monday, August 28, 2006

Mission Control, the Ego has landed

*****Deep Sigh*****

Ahhhhhhhhhh

I'm not even sure where to start. I've returned safe and sound. It was a glorious week really. Exactly what I needed. Everyone could use a good mind scrubbing. I could use more. I kept a bit of a journal, but at some point during the week I decided to spend time just being, rather than reflecting on it. As I sit here, I seem to grasp in thin air for some way of expressing what I'd like to say, but its feeling a bit awkward and slightly tangential.

I cannot sing my praises loud enough for Dorje Denma Ling. Maybe it was the circumstances that I had brought with me, mixing in the Nova Scotia sunlight, reflected softly off the rolling hills and pine forests, added to the intensity of just sitting with your own thoughts, just breathing, walking, eating, being quiet...it manifested in a spirit of generosity, vulnerability, openness, nurturing, courage, warmth -- you get the picture. Not surprisingly it was a much different experience than any other visit. I just sat in shamatha, fully surrendered to the technique and see where that lead me. It was all very good - interesting. But that it putting it lightly. I think there was definately some RA-bliss in there.

At the end of the week we had a banquet where participants and staff read poetry, sang songs, created little skits roasting the teacher (in-jokes seem to be ultimately more hilarious). I wrote a little story about Harry, (to be blogged shortly). My ego was thoroughly stroked to humbleness when the director of the centre encouraged me to have it published in the Shambhala Sun. So, I think I have a new short term goal.

So, in my re-entry, I am trying to fit my mind into that space that requires me to become employable. I recieved my official "REJECTION" phone-call from my interview. It was recieved much more openly after my week of mind scrubbing, and on my answering machine. No sadness, no regret, no feelings of inferiority. All good. But I did recieve a call from Investors Group in town - someone found my resume from Workopolis. This is very curious actually. I returned the call and will hear back tomorrow. What is curious about this, is what exactly this person saw in my resume, since there is nary a word about any competency, experience, training or any remote interest in investment and financial planning. He did not mention that it was in this area...anyhow, all very interesting and we can now label this a tantalizing lead. Maybe they want to recruit me to sell people insurance. I would be very bad at selling anything to anyone. My one attempt at retail sales ended miserably when a) I would rather chew glass than try and encourage someone to by a pair of socks with the outfit and b) I don't mix well with store managers who take their position waaaaay to seriously and C) sometimes your ass looks big in everything. And I was just selling clothes. Casual ones at that. I have never returned to that store. So, selling intangible things like retirement and education savings plans seems well beyond my field of potential. And do I need to mention that I prefer the spending of money over the saving of it...or that I have never balanced my cheque book since 1989? Curious indeed.

School starts in one week. Harry is having a good cry over it. The first day of school will be traumatic I suspect.

3 comments:

hotboy said...

So good to come here and find this, samaramom! How I wish I could go away for a week. And an intimation at least of the great blisses to come! Bugger working! Sitting quietly doing nothing is ra biz! Hotboy

Arwen said...

On Sunday I was in a yoga class trying (and failing because I have a cold) to find perfect cadence in my breath and balance between my inhalation and exhalation and wondered how your week was going. It sounds fantastic.

MC Etcher said...

Rejection phone calls aren't fun, but it is polite - most people never call if they decide not to hire you.

This just means you'll find something better.