Fear stems from this

I think the kids have a blogger alert implanted in their brain. It all reeks of conspiracy to me. Really it does. And I only say that because it puts a twist on my otherwise full yet extraordinarily mundane existence. I wake up at 6:30 am just to get some quality writing in. Just when I start feeling like Sylvia Platt (without the depression), the blogger implant alarm silently tolls and Aidan toddles downstairs.

That's okay, I was experiencing a bit of a writers block anyway. I assume it will reappear once singlemotherhood kicks in. I'm not sure if I revealed this before, but there is another conspiracy afoot. Eric was away for about two months between January and March of this year. I noticed that everytime he would go away, one of the kids (if not all) would get sick. I figured stress of was a catalyst to allowing one of the daycare or elementary school bred super-viruses to attack. Sometimes I would be left unscathed, other times, not. Last March the plague swept through my house, and landed on my face - I had a pretty nasty streptoccocal infection. You can read all about it if you care here and here. In any event - I am just plain scared of being alone. It's not the alone thing that gets me. I actually like certain aspects of running the show all by myself. There is a certain amount of accomplishment and power that I derive from knowing that I can competantly raise three boys, while running my courses and fitting in miniscule amount of "me time", while keeping the house from being a den of iniquity.

The fear stems from this: there comes a point when each child succumbs to some sort of vomitting flu, not all at once - because that would be too easy. Over the course of a fortnight I will spend cleaning, washing, disinfecting and decontaminating the children and the house. Then there will be the ever present worry of how I will survive the same fate should I eventually catch it. This would mean of course that all children would have recouperated and have regained their stregnth and energy. Lets all hope that this next round of illness - which I predict will strike in the next 10 days - will be of the sneezing, snotting sort.

Lets also make note that the children have NOT been sick in at least three months.

The cards, dice, VLT machines are not stacked in my favor.

Of course, there is another reason why I decided to wake up early and blog. I turn 35 today.

And I am talking about puking.

That seems to sum it all up doesn't it?

There is something unsettling knowing that my life could potentially be half over.

The day has some real potential: my mom, sister and I are going to brave the reminants of Ophelia and spend the day shopping and dining. A fine way to spent your brithday I'd say.