Monday, July 04, 2005

Day 7 Friday

Editorial Note: This is the last post about my retreat! Thanks to my biggest fan Hotboy for following my every move (pun intended).

I've completely lost track of time. I had to look back a few pages to see what day I am on
(note: and even that day was wrong!!)

Practice went well today. Imagine that! I seemed to be able to calm things down. I don't feel so frantic or "loud" . I've been able to focus on my breathing for longer periods, the anger and frustration from borebom has been quelled to some degree. I have discovered how to effectively work with my body while sitting - I have been learning about the best posture for me. I can mov my spine subtly and alleviate any irritation. Sometimes I think squirming makes the situation worse!! The comment I heard yesterday about practice being a prison actually had some effect.

I also realized how much energy my body generates (ever 28 days) - tons of energy. I tend to channel it into anger and frustration. I am wondering if I could turn it into something else. I wonder if I am just choosing the negativity. I am wondering how to choose again. Its simple to come to these conclusions in ones head, but another story to make it corporeal. Or is it? Is it as simple as tapping a thought and calling it "thinking"? The negativity is hard to escape when menstration is still a hush hush subject. We still can't even deal with the fact that it's RED ladies...not BLUE like the maxi pad commercials tell us. There are few women I meet who relish this experience. While it's regarded as a pain in the ass most of the time, it's also a welcome sight. Not seeing it come is far scarier if you're not in the market for some offspring. But I digress. What I experienced - which can only be described as a simple, very normal very unelaborate conclusion is that energy is just energy - the ego is just offering it some perspective.

Otherwise I spent most of the day working on my focus - gently letting go of thoughts and returning to the breath. It felt very good for the most part. Very normal and very sane,

If meditation is like sailing - I've managed to steer successfully throught the choppy waters, and on relatively manageable waters. It's not still, but I am rocking gently up and down, contented for the time being.

6 comments:

MC Etcher said...

Red vs. blue - odd, yes. It's funky, but in some foreign video games, the blood is green.

Just what is all that green stuff supposed to be? They need some antibiotics, STAT!

hotboy said...

Great! You'll have to go on another retreat soon. I so much enjoyed that one!

Terry said...

Me too! I really enjoyed following your experiences, and they're invaluable as a guide for anyone else too. I want to get back into a regular sitting practice, and these posts have been just the kick up the arse I've been after. Many thanks.

Litany said...

Very cool retreat, it sounds like you learned a lot.

Thanks for posting the journal entries - I know it can be a pain to type in handwritten entries.

How did the transition back to regular life go?

Kim said...

Great retreat entries! I've been a little slow in commenting. Just returned from yet another vacation.

I've been wondering... I followed the blogging for your class. How did you think it went? Did the students like it? Did it work well for you? Do I ask too many questions?

notyouraverage.... said...

i wish i was so bold as to actually follow through and do a retreat like that. great entries.