Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Can I at least take a compass?

I am having an existential crisis here. I think it relates back to rule No. 1 - No Theme to Your Blog.

I argued quite convincingly that having no theme was my theme. I am starting to second guess myself. I am like that.

My inner nag: should I write more about my kids? Reflect more on teaching? Detail more of my daily routine? I think I'd like to do some more thinking, writing, blabbing, ranting about my views on Buddhism and mothering. And then I hesitate. Really. Then I fear I'll become too sappy or granola. If there is anything that I am not is a organic food vegan, birkenstock, homebirthing, homeschooling salt of the earth, breastfeeding until graduation hippy mama. Perhaps these hippy-mamas exist only in my imagination. They judge me for drinking coke and allowing my kids to eat chicken nuggets three nights in a row.

At this very moment, my 2 year old is in his room screaming as if Armageddon is upon him. I checked on him - he's pissed but no sign of the four horsemen. Do I feel like going up and snuggling with him while he falls asleep? Hell no.

So here I go again....thinking I should be doing something - and not doing it, and creating some elaborate plot line around all the atrocious excuses why I am not. I am so complicated.

I've come full circle - life without a map.

"Maps are easy to manipulate. You can move boundaries on them. You can use them to represent as real things that are not real".

Can I at least take a compass?

4 comments:

Kim said...

Thanks for sharing your blog link with us! I'm really enjoying reading your thoughts.

Famility said...

Map schlap.

Looks like, expressly dislcosed theme or not, your blog has given you an excellent outlet for all of those issues.

Karma Fool

Litany said...

Screw the "theme" crap. Write whatever you damn well please, and if someone doesn't like it, they're no fun.

Say whatever you want!! This is your place. Your blog is always great, keep it up!

Robin said...

So here I go again....thinking I should be doing something - and not doing it, and creating some elaborate plot line around all the atrocious excuses why I am not. Amen, well put.