Friday, January 09, 2009

Ode to Mushrooms and other related fungi

I am here to announce that I have reached a state of not-itch. I am quite clear that it resides in a parallel universe approaching bliss.

I can't believe that itchy feet have been my daily mantra over the past week. Enter that state, and you will truly understand that the entrance to hell is covered in tinea pedis. Believe it or not, the entire experience reminded me of a funny story, so while I am on the topic, I will share.

When Aidan was born, I only had the luxury of taking 2 weeks off from work. Before you fall on the floor, or certify my insanity, you need to know that I worked part time. My mother would come over to mind Aidan, and I would go teach for an hour or an hour and a half (depending on the day) and then I came home. I was usually home by noon, and I got paid quite well. So, when it came down to it, my choice was to not work at all (which we could not afford) or deal with this arrangement. It was challenging, don't get me wrong. My memory and tendency to romanticize things, does not remember that period like a dark hole of nastiness. Aidan was our third, so our lives were pretty insane anyway. Because of this arrangement, I opted to bottle feed, and had no interest in the whole work and pumping arrangement. My life was too complicated for that. I was more than satisfied with that choice, and no pro-boob movement could sway my position.

When he was 2 weeks old, I noticed that he began to smell funny. For anyone who has had the pleasure of smelling a (clean) newborn, you may be able to recall the hint of newness, or purity or even old womb. Well Aidan smelled like bad yogurt. Not the kind of smell one would expect from a new baby. So I called the new baby hotline, and asked if it was possible that a newborn who did not breastfeed could have thrush. She said it was absolutely possible. I think the next day, Aidan had an appointment with the doctor, and this is what she recommended:

She told me to get a tube of Canesten, the same stuff us girls use when we get firecrotch. I was to boil the bottle nipples after every feeding and wipe the cream on the nipples before a feeding X times a day for X numbers of days (details long forgotten). I said, "I can put that stuff in his mouth, even though its for external use only?" She assured me that it was quite safe. She wrote down the medicinal content of the cream on her prescription tablet and said that it was available off the counter.

So I came home, and gave the note to Eric and said to give it to the pharmacist and he would help find the right cream. Eric returned, very confused.

"I got you the stuff, and he assured me that it was the right stuff".
"Okay, so give it to me then"
"What's it for?" He asked
"Aidan, the doctor told me to rub it on his nipples"

Eric was even more confused.

"But this stuff is for Jock itch"
"I know, but he has a systemic yeast infection"
"But why do we have to put it on his nipples?"
"Because we have to get it in his mouth somehow"

Long pause

"OHHHHHH! His bottles! Okay, I get it now" and then he added "Why the jock itch cream then?"
"Well the pharmacist probably did not know that the prescription was not for you!"

So, looking at that cream I rub on my feet ritualistically, reminds me often of Aidan and his nipples.


The Rich Mama said...

lol. some things are better lost in translation.

Hotboy said...

There is nothing like sleep deprivation for making you nuts! Happy to hear that you've gotten over this horror! Hotboy