Sunday, March 20, 2005

Translate this entry: Boring Weekend.

I made an impuslive purchase yesterday. Most of the time, I take my impulsive purchase self and loose myself in the middle of the Dollarama. I unleash my spending fervour and get it out of my system in twenty dollars or less.

Yesterday I found myself in a hardware store with the vacume cleaners.

I found a whole new level of entertainment and excitement. Who knew that living mapless would lead me here.

I bought A Steam cleaner. What adventures I lead! The thrills! The chills! The RUSH! When I said I wanted a steamier evening...who knew what I really meant! Now this is not your ordinary run of the mill carpet/upholstery cleaner. Mine is designed to clean appliances, bathrooms, hardwood and cushioned floors - Anything that will withstand a blast of steam. I just set the feminist movement back 50 years. All morning I was on my hands and knees giggling with delight as I blasted years of grime from all sorts of corners and crevices. Might I reiterate "giggle with delight". Think: very bad horror movie... I move with the steaming wand from one room to another...the sharp refrains of a violin underscore the tension, my eyes are slightly glazed, with a hint of paranoia. And in my field of vision I focus, camera pans in closer, a seemingly empty corner in the kitchen...tight focus... an image from an electron microscope of bacteria multiplying furiously...she blasts the empty corner, squeezing the steam wand with both hands,
"die you filth!"...

I must be having a reaction to my antibiotics...they compell me to get rid of all the germs on the outside too.

Translate this entry: Boring Weekend.

1 comment:

Robin said...

Hahaha...somebody should make this post a commercial for the (insert brand here) steamer you're using.